pic via
Y'all. It's been a rough couple weeks. I don't know whether I'm going through an almost-30 crisis (better not be a mid-life crisis) or what, but it's been rough. I've been super anxious about the future and what the heck I'm doing. Your whole life you're told what to do, where to be, what's next..and bam..you're about to turn 29 and have no idea what you're doing with your life. I've been constantly (like, obsessively) asking myself over and over again what I should do next. Am I in the right job? Did I pick the right graduate program? What am I going to do when it's over? Where should I move or should I move at all? Ultimately, I've been extremely afraid that I've made the wrong decision about quitting my last job and moving from Nashville to D.C. Usually, I try to look on the bright side. I mean, I wouldn't have SoulCycle or Zara (that's not a joke)..but the negatives seem to be creeping in more than usual. Work is about a bazillion times more difficult than I ever imagined and I feel like the dumbest kid in class every single day. That is a not a good feeling. Another negative is that my Nana is not getting any younger and the guilt I feel every day about not being in Nashville with her is like a elephant sitting on my chest. The third biggie is that my nephew is growing up so, so fast and I feel like I'm missing out on everything. Uh..like his first haircut was this weekend and he looked so dang cute in the pics..I really wish I could have seen him in person.
All of these things combined have been a bit overwhelming, but the thing that has been helping the most has been the support of my family. I realize that may seem like, duh, your family is always there for you, but that's not always the case for some people. More than ever, I realize how lucky I am to have a mom and dad that will still love me regardless of what I decide to do with my life. For some reason, I've always felt like I had to live up to something..be successful..but I'm realizing more and more that "success" doesn't have to mean following the crowd and working at a bank or being a doctor or lawyer..aka making a lot of money. "Success" should mean being happy and doing what you love. What that specifically will be for me, I don't know.
Something I have come to a conclusion about is that I do love D.C. and that the Lord has me here for a reason. I have met some incredible people, I'm enjoying school more than I imagined and I'm learning so much about myself. This is the right place for now, but what next?
Not sure what all this means or what is going to happen, but I do know that I'm extremely grateful for my family. So sorry for the dramatics, but I thought I'd share in case some of y'all were going through the same thing. Will keep you all updated!
Thanks for sharing. Keep up the great work.
ReplyDeleteLiv
www.livforstyle.net
Everything you're saying makes complete sense...sometimes you just have to check in with yourself to realize just how grateful you are for family, friends, daily life, etc. You're not alone in that! Sending you a big hug! xox
ReplyDeleteLL, I totally relate to this post. I really struggle with anxiety in general, but specially around the "what's next" aspect of life. I am here in DC, but how long will I be here? Will I be renting an apartment by myself forever? Will I know when to leave if the time is ever right? Where will I go? What if everyone gets their shit together before me, and I am stuck at home ordering Wendy's on Uber Eats when I am 45 watching reruns of Family Feud? The list goes on.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that has really helped me lately is to focus on the WHAT IS instead of the WHAT IF. WHAT IS is that you're killing it here in DC, managing an awesome blog while going to school, and still looking fly (#hairgoals) and having a social life. AND, you've got Zara and Soul Cycle to boot. I know I am so thankful to have met you along the way! The WHAT IFS can just distract you from the present - and that's really where the Devil wants us to be living: in the past or in the future, instead of looking at what God has blessed us with in this moment (and it's the only time we can really control!). Not sure if you're into Podcasts, but this one by my favorite Priest (I promise it is not Catholic in nature at all other than it's done by a priest!) really helped me quell some of the anxieties I have around what is next: http://www.fathersearby.com/p3-meditations/2016/4/13/anxiety-a-meditation
It can be so hard when people tell you to focus on the positives of a situation, and think that can fix all your worries. I know it doesn't - but trust me, your feelings are SO valid and you're *definitely* not alone in wondering where to go from here. God keeps no one waiting unless it is good for us to wait! And you've always landed on your feet before, and this time will be no different.
STOKED for some RPM! xo